Re: Funny Toasts (Guest Post)

This is in response to your funny toasts. I had one recently and I wanted to share it. It was a funny toast quite alright but I was the clown. In case you are still wondering, I am the guy.

It happened on a sunny Friday. One of those days you just wake up feeling energized. I quickly shovelled down the left over beans that was in the kitchen and bounced out of the house to conquer the day. At about 12pm, I decided to go for a break. I was feeling adventurous so I walked in to the cafeteria near my office to scout for a nice babe, a beautiful, dark one with firm flesh in the right places. Not those light skinny ones that remind me of okporoko fish used for my native delicacies.

As I sat down at a vantage point in the cafeteria with a cold drink to calm down, I scanned and zoomed in on a girl sitting at the far end. Just the type I was looking for.

“Gotcha!” I smiled inwardly then used style to check out myself. After confirming that my swag is cool I walked up to her and we started conversing. I knew at that moment she was thinking I am a cool and classy guy. Don’t ask me how I did, I just knew.

Everything was going on smoothly and I almost had her eating out of my hands when this loud churning sound came from my stomach.

“Chai! This belle wan spoil my groove” I cursed inwardly.

I acted as though nothing happened and continued with my flow. It happened the second time, then the third, each sound getting louder like a storm is about to burst. I started feeling the urge to go to the restroom.

Damn, just when she was getting my flow this had to happen. I had to excuse myself and preserve the little dignity that I have got left before the damn beans I ate reduces me to the point of no value before “she who I wished to woo” now “she who is wrinkling her nose at the little fart that escaped”.

I had to fake a phone call and hurriedly say bye to her. Immediately I got out the café, I boarded a bike and told the bike man to “fly” to my house. This is not the business that is done in a public toilet, it is a private one.by the time I got home, I had to hold my boxers tight then walk and wait, walk and wait. As I passed the sitting room, my sister called 

“Hey, why you walking funny?  you are practicing a new dance or what? Answer me now ahn ahn…”

“Shut the hell up!” I managed to croak out.

After the smelly business, I discovered I was smiling. Then I remembered, I got her contact.

We are good friends now by the way.