When I was a kid, I had said to my sisters “I am never ever going to get married!” with such convinction that they were startled. I was quickly shushed with a curt “God forbid! Shut up your mouth!”.
The reason why I had that fear of marriage then was because I had witnessed the slightly, and sometimes not so slight condescending way my father relates to my mother. Then I heard stories of other marriages from my sisters, gossiping away with teenage enthusiasim, unaware of the sharp young ears that quickly record just to digest the information gathered later.
When I got older, I modified my marriage phobia to “I will allow no man to be a source of sadness to me”. But, let's face it, is that really possible in Nigeria? Quite all right we agree we have grown “civilized” and a man is not supposed to lord it over his wife. There have been talks, seminars, lectures and summits on female empowerment, just so she could stand up against any form of oppression. Ironically, it's the same society that constantly calls out women to fight for their rights that subdue them.
As I see it, and many other women, Nigeria is not fair to women. When it comes to being married, she is carted off to her husband's house where she is expected to take any crap measured out to her. This is dished in bucketfuls by her inlaws and she finds no succor from her family who tells her to stay put no matter what. Especially if he is rich. All these happens while the husband look but does not see, preaches about loving and protecting one's wife to others but failing to really look at his wife and say whether she is happy or not.
How many inlaws will stand for their son's wife when they know it is their son that is guilty? How many women will keep quiet when their fellow woman does not have a son, or worse, any child? How many husbands can truly say how happy their wives are in their marriage? I am not advocating for woman right here, I am sayng we should stop being hypocrites when it comes to the level at which we respect women.
We are quick to feel the pinch when we are being victimized but we hardly feel any remorse when destroying a woman's self esteem. Aren't we hypocrites when we become outraged by a man beating his wife but we come home and torture our wives, sister or daughter in laws or our kinswoman emotionally? Believe it or not, we still act out that belief that a woman belongs in the kitchen, even in the subtlest ways possible.
If you would like to publish a story (not fiction) or opinion on this blog, send it to abiodunmayam@yahoo.com
When I got older, I modified my marriage phobia to “I will allow no man to be a source of sadness to me”. But, let's face it, is that really possible in Nigeria? Quite all right we agree we have grown “civilized” and a man is not supposed to lord it over his wife. There have been talks, seminars, lectures and summits on female empowerment, just so she could stand up against any form of oppression. Ironically, it's the same society that constantly calls out women to fight for their rights that subdue them.
As I see it, and many other women, Nigeria is not fair to women. When it comes to being married, she is carted off to her husband's house where she is expected to take any crap measured out to her. This is dished in bucketfuls by her inlaws and she finds no succor from her family who tells her to stay put no matter what. Especially if he is rich. All these happens while the husband look but does not see, preaches about loving and protecting one's wife to others but failing to really look at his wife and say whether she is happy or not.
How many inlaws will stand for their son's wife when they know it is their son that is guilty? How many women will keep quiet when their fellow woman does not have a son, or worse, any child? How many husbands can truly say how happy their wives are in their marriage? I am not advocating for woman right here, I am sayng we should stop being hypocrites when it comes to the level at which we respect women.
We are quick to feel the pinch when we are being victimized but we hardly feel any remorse when destroying a woman's self esteem. Aren't we hypocrites when we become outraged by a man beating his wife but we come home and torture our wives, sister or daughter in laws or our kinswoman emotionally? Believe it or not, we still act out that belief that a woman belongs in the kitchen, even in the subtlest ways possible.
If you would like to publish a story (not fiction) or opinion on this blog, send it to abiodunmayam@yahoo.com
You're very right, but regardless, we still have to keep praying for the right husband, and the wisdom for both parties to be able to live with each other.
ReplyDeleteyes...but we women also need to change our attitude of victimising one another...
ReplyDelete