When Shit Begins Your Day... (Guest Post)

Have you ever had a day so bad you wish you would just wake up from it and find out it’s a nightmare? well, here is one of mine.

Before I continue, let me give you a little information about myself. I am a muslim female youth corp member serving at Abia state. Aba precisely. And I cover my head with a small scarf. I look like a Fulani too. Once, while I was in a restaurant, a lady left her food to argue with me about my tribe. I said I am a Yoruba, she said my parents have told me a big lie.

I stay in a room within the staff quarters of the school I was posted to. The first month there I was avoided like Ebola virus and studied like a scientist’s Guinea pig. Currently, there is no water in the compound so we have resorted to stealing water anywhere we can find it.

Okay, enough background. One ugly morning when I woke up to prepare for the weekly corp member’s meeting (CDS) at the local government, I stepped out of my room into shit. Literally. If I had known, I would have just cleaned up and go back to bed. But you know, we “alakowe” (educated people), we always refuse to read meaning into things. We don’t like to be labelled as superstitious.

“ who shit for my door?” I asked my neigbor’s wife in a cool tone. If you shout now, that’s how they would have a perfect excuse to call you Boko Haram.

“ Hah! Chisom! Why you shit for Anti front door now?” she asked her two month old baby.

“Don’t worry, since it’s Chisom” I said in a friendly tone and smiled. You would think I’m an angel but the truth is I now have a reason to steal their water to have a bath; revenge.

Unfortunately for me, as I was pouring the last bowl of water into my bucket from their drum, the husband caught me. My people, I just “troway” face ni o (I put on a straight face) and said good morning. Before he could recover from the shock I was in the bathroom.

 I managed to get away without seeing him.

At the junction where I would get a Keke NAPEP (tricycle) to the local government, I suddenly heard

“ mummy !, it’s Boko Haram!”


 from a corner. I turned the same time everybody at the bus stop turned towards the voice and saw a tiny hand pointing towards me. I swallowed. Igboland is not the place for a Boko Haram joke. Immediately, I could sense the hostility from those who have not noticed before that I was standing there.

The child’s mother quickly drew her hand away from my direction and smiled apologetically towards me. “she ‘s a corper, nna, not Boko Haram”

 “but mummy, she is covering her head and she is an Hausa! you said Boko Haram cover their heads!” said the stubborn kid again.


 I decided to teach her a lesson. I moved to her mum’s back and the next time she looked at me, I made a really evil face and mouthed “ I will beat you!” she screamed and hid her face in her mum’s skirt while I smiled in satisfaction.

Eventually, I boarded a Keke, and horror of all horrors, the Keke man refused to give me my change. Worse still, he did not understand pidgin English very well. The rest of the passengers refused to help, they were all speaking in Igbo. As I stood beside the Keke arguing, a car passed by and suddenly I felt wet and slimy all over. The car had splashed the grimy pot-hole water all over me!

Immediately this happened, the Keke zoomed off leaving me dripping in my khaki and white scarf by the roadside. And to think I had taken extra care to look good that morning! At that moment, I just wanted to lie down and die.

People were just passing and looking at me like I am an alien. I started dragging myself towards my destination. I have not taken up to ten steps when I heard

“Hajia!” I looked back and saw this guy that flirts with me during meetings. “great!” I thought, “ just what I need”.

Fast forward to when I got home, my neighbor was waiting for me to replace the water I stole. Mehn! Igbo people can hold grudges! It was like I killed his family member or something with the kind of uproar he caused. And can you imagine, they all took his side, instead of them pampering me for the fact that I’m working for our country freely!

 Ah! I suffered today no be small!

I had to eventually fetch the water from a far away place.

To cap it all, I discovered that the new battery I bought for my phone is fake. I just sat down at a corner in my room thinking of what else can go wrong.